What Should Have Been
by Lucky Th13rteen
Summary: "After all this time?" "Always," said Snape. **Severus/Lily set in their Hogwarts years.** Partner story to "What Can Now Be"


Disclaimer: I DO NOT own any characters, settings, themes, etc in this story. All persons are representative of JK Rowling and I humbly use her creations with gratitude. That being said, the plot is all mine and I thank anyone who dares to read this take on the Severus/Lily relationship.

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Severus Snape had only wanted one thing in his thus-far short life. Of course the problem with wanting something is that it is usually unattainable. For Severus, this was no exception.

The object of his deepest desires was a flame haired girl. She was stubborn, prideful, and could hex the life out of him before they had turned ten. But Severus was in love with Lily Evans and there was no changing it.

Their unusual friendship had blossomed when they were children growing up in nearby neighborhoods. Acquaintances became play mates and by the time August 31st rolled around after their summer birthdays, Lily and Severus boarded the Hogwarts Express for their First Year as cemented best friends. The exuberant redheaded girl and the weary ebony haired boy had been the first to leave the train once they arrived at the platform, both eager to finally reach the promised land.

Severus had dutifully held Lily's smaller hand as she stepped onto the dimly lit boat that was ready to carry a handful of First Years to the looming castle. Lily scooted over on the narrow bench and made room for Severus to sit next to her as the boat jolted and began the trek to the enormous building.

Both children were devastated when Lily was sorted into Gryffindor and Severus into his intended Slytherin. But Lily had instantly sat down to chatter with her new housemates while Severus had found an empty seat across the room to watch his best friend interact. Even in the garishly bold garnet and gold of his House's rival, Severus Snape was enraptured with the musical laugh and breathtaking smile of Lily Evans. He watched her through every meal, year after year, as she tossed her auburn hair over a shoulder, animatedly enjoying a conversation with the students around her. The children were drawn to the enigmatic Gryffindor and Severus deeply resented the animosity between their Houses as more people whispered to Lily about his Dark Magic hobbies.

Severus was most fond of their morning walks around the grounds. After their second year had ended, Lily pigeonholed Severus in an empty compartment on the train home for the summer and demanded to know why he was ignoring her. Severus had become nervous and began fidgeting with his robes while avoiding to meet Lily's gaze. She stood in front of the sliding compartment door with her arms crossed over her small frame, her foot taping impatiently, and a look of annoyance on her face. Lily was breathtaking as she glared at the greasy black haired boy before her.

Severus had already hit his growth spurt and his awkwardly tall frame filled the small room as he attempted to dodge Lily and escape the confining space. He finally relented, sitting down to lean his bony elbows onto his open skinny thighs. When he did not start speaking right away Lily pressed herself against his side, their bodies touching from the hip down to their shoes, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders to gently run a comforting hand up and down his weak bicep.

Severus broke down and admitted he had become increasingly jealous of Lily's Gryffindor housemates and the distance their separate houses had inflicted on their best friendship. He told her how her precious friends used any excuse to torment him and how they pestered him with the nickname Snivellus. Lily deflected his hurtful jabs at her Gryffindors and reassured him that some snotty nosed wizards were not going to separate her from her oldest and truest friend.

Severus had smiled knowingly, inwardly ecstatic that Lily was strong enough to want to endure the public disapprovals and nasty remarks that their companionship attracted. She proposed that they meet every morning before breakfast to stroll the grounds of Hogwarts and talk about their daily happenings. Severus agreed and eagerly waited through the long, hot days of summer for August 31st to roll around once more.

Despite her promises and their daily walks Severus grew irritated as Lily became friendly with James Potter and his friends during their middle years at Hogwarts. She claimed they were just House acquaintances but Severus let his heart break every time she chose to sit with them during a Quidditch match, bypassed him in the halls without a word of hello while chatting with a fellow red-and-gold scarfed student, or overlooked his ecstatic waves across the Great Hall. Each morning their strolls became quieter and quieter until Severus could not take it any longer.

One morning near the end of their fifth year, as every student in their year was cramming and preparing for the OWLs, Severus let his hostile mood snake its way around Lily. They were walking along the barren shore of the Black Lake when Lily paused to grab a handful of rocks to throw across the surface of the water. Severus had turned to look where his companion had gone, scoffed at her childish activity, and continued walking back towards the castle. Lily looked up to see his second-hand robes billowing in the breeze off the lake as he walked away from her and quickly hurled a small rock at his retreating back. Her aim was precise and the stone hit Severus square in the middle of his back with a soft **thunk**.

He whipped around to glare at the irritated redhead and stalked back to where she was standing, her hands firmly planted on her narrow hips.

"What is your problem, Sev? Why are you being so moody?" Lily asked as he approached, craning her neck to meet his darkening gaze.

His pale face was shadowed as he towered over the feisty woman, his beady black eyes narrowing in assessment.

"My issue is with you, Lily." He drawled, precision and mounting anger evident in every word. "You drive me crazy. You parade around, drooling all over those Gryffindor baboons and treating me like your friend only when we're in private. You're bloody infuriating!"

Lily's eyebrows furrowed and her lips turned down in a frown as Severus continued staring at her. Dropping her hands to her side she let her gaze fall downward before she threw her hands into the air in a gesture of surrender.

"What do you want me to do, Sev? Run around with my nose shoved in a book like you? Or better yet, sneaking around to practice Dark Magic? They're **not** my friends, and trust me when I say I would much rather spend all my free time with you, just lazing about, than holed up in the common room listening to James or Sirius go on about their Quidditch glories."

"Then why don't you? Why is it the only time I ever see you is during our walks?" He yelled, his deep voice carrying across the vast lake. Realizing his loudness Severus stepped closer to Lily and forced a rough whisper. "I don't think I'm asking for a lot, Lily."

Lily looked away sheepishly but as her train of thought progressed a wave of refreshed anger surfaced and sparked flames behind her green eyes. She pursed her lips, cocked her hip to one side, and jabbed a finger against Severus' chest.

"You are asking for everything and giving nothing in return. You cannot expect me to give up my free time to hang out with you, to ignore **my **friends, while you continue to dabble in your forbidden magic. You follow Lucius Malfoy around like a lost puppy, just waiting for him to spare you a second of his time! And don't tell me that you have no interest in You-Know-Who! Why else would you lock yourself away in the dungeons?"

She finished her rant and looked away from the astonished face of Severus, her fuming head coming to a cool as he remained speechless. He stood watching Lily as her short fuse ran out and her anger began to dissipate. Severus knew she only needed a few minutes to calm down before they would be able to hold a calm conversation. Lily reached a pale arm to brush a lock of auburn hair behind her shoulder, the large black sleeve of her robe falling down her bare arm to reveal a thin silver bracelet.

Severus turned one corner of his mouth up in a half smile as the partial sunlight glinted off the shiny metal. Lily sighed heavily as she opened her mouth to speak again, to apologize for her temper, when Severus gently extended a spidery hand to touch the almost invisible jewelry. Lily stopped her arm, holding it upright with her small hand next to her face, as Severus smiled broader and placed the bracelet between two fingers.

"You kept it." He said simply, his grin widening as his gaze met Lily's green eyes.

"Of course I kept it." She replied tersely, skepticism lacing her words. "What else would I have done with it?"

The young Severus let his smirking grin fall as he snorted his exhaling breath through his crooked nose. His bony fingers continued to roll the metal chain back and forth, a slight sigh of regret echoing Severus' thoughts.

"I don't know, Lily. Maybe your brave-hearted friends thought the evil Slytherin had cursed it and you had thrown it away."

Lily narrowed her eyes as Severus looked away from her heated stare. His cool digits continued to grasp the bracelet, his greasy black hair falling to veil his face as his thoughts and emotions spiraled towards Lily. Even being this close, just barely touching her, Severus was fighting to control the nervous shaking of his body. This witch turned him completely inside-out and it took all of his resolve to be able to act as if nothing was amiss every time he saw her.

"This bracelet was a gift from my oldest and most magical friend. I could never destroy something that you gave me, Sev. You know that." Lily smiled tentatively for the first time that Severus had seen in many long months, her white teeth peeking through her barely parted lips.

Severus took a small step closer to the witch as Lily's eyelashes fluttered against her brow bone. His fingers twitched as he held on to the thin bracelet, jerking the jewelry to slide around Lily's wrist.

A very small charm was hanging off the bracelet and Severus became inwardly ecstatic at the sight of the miniature flower he had fastened to the chain so many years ago. The unpolished silver lily had been forged from one of his mother's discarded pendants and Severus had magicked the small item into shape many years ago for his friend. He had not seen the special bracelet on Lily's wrist for some time now and he had lost hope a while ago that she had retained the unique piece of jewelry.

A second charm fell from around her protruding wrist bone and the smile instantly dropped from his face as Severus squinted to see the other small item on the bracelet. His eyes focused and Severus cursed under his breath as his vision confirmed what he knew the charm would be.

The bright silver of the newer trinket danced across the pad of his finger as Severus examined the small item. It was an animated Gryffindor, throwing its little head back in a roar as its four legs trotted in place. The magickal charm renewed Severus' anger. He knew who had given her this ornament.

Only one wizard was brave enough to give Lily such a gift. Only one Gryffindor was idiotic enough to attempt to court Lily Evans when she so blatantly ignored his advances.

James Potter.

Severus jerked the bracelet more forcefully and snapped the thin chain from around her wrist. Lily gasped with surprised and met his black eyes as she jumped forward to grab the jewelry back.

"Severus! What are you doing? Give it back!" Lily reached for the bracelet but Severus held it above his head as he stared disdainfully at the moving Gryffindor trinket. "Severus!"

He whipped his head back to glare at Lily as she stood before him impatiently. His height advantage gave him the opportunity to keep the bracelet from her grasp but Severus fully intended to throw the damned jewelry far into the Black Lake. The conniving Slytherin inside him roared its jealous head as Severus side-stepped Lily to walk a circle around her, still holding the bracelet aloft.

"Why would you disgrace my gift to you by adding **this **filthy charm to it?" Severus demanded, coming around to face Lily full on. His black eyebrows rose up his forehead, his words drawling as he looked down on her. "Well?"

Lily did not say anything but stared calmly at Severus, her red eyebrows drawing together as her gaze flitted across his oily face. His sharp jawline and long hair shadowed his pale neck as Severus peered at Lily. As she continued her silence, he turned on his heel and began pacing across the lakeshore stones.

With his spindly arms gripped behind his back and his head down, Lily watched Severus walk back and forth in front of her. She watched as he became lost in thought and his wide shoulders would rise or drop with each turn. Her gaze travelled across his tall frame as he straightened his stance and marched over to her once more. Severus did not say anything but looked fixedly at the witch before him.

Finally, Lily cocked her head to the side and parted her full lips to speak.

"What are you jealous over, Sev? That I have other friends?" She questioned sincerely. "Or that I have other friends that are wizards?"

Severus looked away as he realized her implications. His heart beat heavily against his ribcage and his breathing hitched on every intake. He felt his cheeks flush with heat as his worried, emotional heart cried out for the woman in front of him but his anxious and rational mind told him she would never accept him, she would never love him like he loved her.

So Severus blinked once, dramatically slow, and simply said, "No." He paused for inflection, his black gaze running across her beautiful porcelain face as he sneered. "Your friends are of no concern to me when you yourself do not consider me a friend. After all, no friend of Lily Evans knows any Dark Magic."

Lily's face almost turned purple as her mouth began opening and closing with her roaring anger. Severus swore he saw actual flames behind her eyes as Lily's hand instinctively reached into the folds of her robes and grabbed her wand. She did not remove it from its hidden pocket but he noticed her grip it tighter as she worked through the levels of her temper.

With as much composure as she could muster Lily shut her jaw and took a deep breath. Through clenched teeth, Lily whispered her heated words.

"Severus Snape. Do not question my loyalties. You are still my best friend." Very slowly she enunciated every syllable as she stared down Severus until he met her gaze. "I like you, for who you are." Her voice evened out and with a weary tone, Lily continued. "Slytherin or not, you are the only person I know I can rely on. That stupid bauble was from that git Potter but I only kept it because it's a Gryffindor. I'm proud of my House and I'm proud to be your friend, that's what this bracelet means to me, Severus."

Lily tilted her chin up defiantly as a soft breeze blew a lock of red hair across face, covering her nose and sticking to her lips. She sputtered the hair out of her mouth and looked up to see Severus watching her with one eyebrow raised in amusement, only to begin laughing girlishly at her slight embarrassment. The wind blew again, stronger this time, and the hair covered her face once more. Lily laughed again but stopped as she blindingly saw Severus take a large step towards her.

A pale, spidery hand reached up to brush the hair away and Lily shut her eyes as Severus' cool hand swept across her cheek. He tucked the lock behind her ear before his other hand came up to lightly grasp the side of her head, his thumb stretching out to brush along her cheekbone. Lily opened her sparkling emerald eyes to see Severus tentatively inch closer. His left hand fell between their bodies and awkwardly wrapped around her hip before gently grasping her waist.

Lily bent her head to look up at him and parted her lips to speak when Severus rushed forward, leaning down to press his lips against hers. His long black hair swayed and curtained their faces together, blocking all sunlight as Severus tightened the grip on her waist and on her head. He pulled her face upwards towards him more, shutting his eyes as his lips pushed harder on Lily's.

She was unsure how to escape this situation without it turning awkward. Lily opened her mouth and laid a small hand on his chest to disengage his body from her own, but Severus took the opportunity to tilt his head quickly and kiss her again. With as much force as she could muster under his grip, Lily thrust her hand against Severus' bony sternum and forced him away.

Severus did not remove his hands from their positions on her body but he let his right hand fall from her face to lightly hold her neck. This grip allowed him to keep her looking at him while searching her face for any indication that she was not going to hex him into next year.

Lily appeared shocked, her face seemingly frozen in place with her eyebrows slightly raised, her lips parted, and her eyes wide. When it seemed she needed to breathe again, her green eyes darted up Severus' face and hesitantly met his nervous black stare. Severus kept her in place, despite the impending shaking of his hands as he held on to the witch.

When she still did not say anything after moments of staring into each other's eyes, Severus took a small step back and let his hands release their hold on Lily. His palms began sweating as they grasped together in front of him and he rocked back and forth slightly as Lily stood motionless.

"Severus..." She finally whispered, her tone distraught. Severus jerked his head up though when he realized the inflection at the end of her spoken word resounded with hope. Lily smiled hesitantly and when her eyes brightened as she looked up to meet his gaze, Severus instantly grinned as well. Even if she did not love him as more than a friend, Severus was content, for now, that she was not upset and angry with him for his brash move.

"Severus, I don't know what to say." Her words faltered and a blush crept up her swanlike neck as Lily tore her gaze from his and looked away, laughing nervously to hide her sudden embarrassment in front of her best friend. She could not deny that she had never thought about Severus Snape as more than a friend. He had been her one constant companion since he had revealed himself hiding in the bushes when they were children. Lily had felt the spark of strong emotion when their lips touched, that notion of physical chemistry.

Complete happiness engulfed her as she thought of Severus now. That kiss changed everything for Lily and inside she was exploding with warmth and exurberence, a feeling better than magic itself. She genuinely held strong emotions for Severus and Lily felt stupid for taking so long to realize it. Once more she tilted her head to lock her green eyes with his nearly black ones and smiled excitedly.

"I like where this is going." Lily stated simply, her grin widening to the point that her facial muscles ached but she didn't care. She wouldn't stop smiling now. "I like you and I want everyone to know it. But we should talk about this too. I don't want to go too fast, with our friendship and all." She reached forward to grasp Severus' wrists and pulled his entwined hands to her, his fingers unlocking and sliding to fit around Lily's smaller hands. "I guess I should've realized this would be our next logical step, you and I ending up together. It seems fitting."

Severus was overwhelmed with elated happiness and was grinning from ear to ear. Lily loved him! He wanted to grab her around the waist and twirl her in circles, just holding her close.

His life had not always been fair but now it seemed the fates were looking after him. Severus could find peace of mind and not have to be bitter and miserable for the rest of his life.

Lily was excited beyond repair and while it was genuinely contagious for Severus, there was still that inkling of doubt. He pushed all negative thoughts away and stupidly grinned as Lily pulled their bodies closer to hug. Severus' long arms wrapped around Lily's smaller body as she turned her head to rest it against his chest.

They both sighed in contentment. After a few minute's silence, Lily lifted her chin to rest it against Severus' sternum and looked up at his handsome face. He met her gaze in return, perfectly happy to stare at this redheaded woman until time stood still.

Suddenly Lily jumped and sprang back, still grasping Severus' hands.

"Let's have a picnic!" She was bouncing with excitement and Severus knew that she already had a plan working in her head of what they were going to do. "I'll run up to the castle and get a basket of food from the elves. You go find us a nice shady spot to sit. Ahh it will be so romantic!"

Lily was ready to run back up the hill but Severus grabbed her once more before she could take off. Pulling her close, Severus bent his head and saw Lily pause and look slightly panicked as he leaned in. Her lips parted in anticipation but at the last second Severus rotated his head and kissed her sweetly on the cheek.

Keeping his black haired head close to her face, Severus whispered to Lily, "Hurry back."

Again, the ever confident Gryffindor blushed, grinned widely, and turned to run up to the castle. Her long legs carried her fast but just before she was out of sight, Lily turned on her heel. She pulled out her wand, pressed the wooden tip to her lips, and kissed the air. With a flourishing motion, she waved her wand and pointed it at Severus. Even from this distance Severus heard her chiming laugh as he felt an invisble kiss on his cheek. He reached up to touch the spot that still lingered with her magical caress.

He looked up just as Lily was speeding up the lawn, dashing up the stairs then pulling open the heavy wooden doors, her auburn hair catching the sunlight and shining bright. Severus smiled to himself, tucking his hands into his robe pockets as he turned to stroll down the lake shore. He walked for a few minutes, his steps taking him until he reached a large grove of trees on the lake's edge.

Severus sat down and leaned up against a large tree trunk as he faced the castle to wait for Lily to return. Grinning stupidly, Severus retrieved his favorite book of poetry from the folds of his robe and opened it to read while he sat. Turning the pages until he stumbled upon a rhyme by Shakespeare, Severus became enraptured with the romantic words as the minutes strung together.

He was so busy putting meaning to the poetic words, connecting them to his own life, that Severus did not hear the approaching group of students. The boys were laughing and shoving each other as they walked the lawn and when one Gryffindor shouted his name with exurberance, Severus looked up. His stomach dropped and Severus quickly stood as James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and a handful of following Gryffindors approached him.

"Snape!" James called, laughing evilly as he nodded his head to Lupin and Sirius beside him.

Leading the group, James brandished his wand and waved it at Severus, shouting "Expelliarmus!" as Severus raised his own wand in defense. He watched as his wand flew into the grass several yards away and Severus turned back to look timidly at the taunting Gryffindors.

James laughed loudly once more, turning his head to grin at Lupin as he mumbled something incoherent, as the crowd of students closed in on Severus. Again James floruished his wand and yelled, "Impedimenta!"

Severus was pulled up and floated into the air and he looked down upon James Potter as he laughed meniaclly, taking great pleasure in hovering Severus above the ground. The surrounding students crowded around as he dangled in the air, James rotating his wand to let Severus hang upside down.

He shrieked as the blood rushed to his head and the boys and girls laughed uproariously. James kept turning back to his friends to shout ideas about how to embarrass Severus. He knew it would not be good when all the boys began chanting and James twirled his wand, loosening Severus' belt and unfastening his trousers.

Severus was still screaming for help, reaching for his pants as they refused to stay up. His excited motions were causing his already immobile body to spin as a flash of red caught his eye. Lily was running up to the cruel scene, flailing her arms and screaming for James to stop.

Lily ran over to the group's leader and pounded her small fists against James' muscled back as she tried to dislodge his concentration on the spell. The Gryffindor turned in amusement and strongly threw an arm around Lily's shoulders to calm her down.

"C'mon Lily. We're just having some fun with ole Snivellus here." James said, acting as if his words were completely innocent and they were watching a hippogriff fly in circles in front of them instead of Severus.

Lily struggled under the Seeker's grasp and tried to shimmy away but James held tight and laughed louder as Lily sought to defend the Slytherin.

Anger was wholly enveloping Severus as he jumped about in the air. All the students continued to laugh at him as he fought to end the embarrassing prank. As he was turned to face the group again Severus saw Lily, wrapped under James' arm. He did not see that she was fighting for him or that she was just as angry as he was, attempting to save face for the wizard she loved. His rolling rage exploded as Lily turned to James and Severus thought he saw her smile.

"You filthy mudblood!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. Lily immediately stopped to look at him and her mouth was agape as she realized Severus was heatedly staring at her. "You tricked me, you conniving bitch! You sent them down here to harass me!"

Her eyebrows rose questioningly as Lily stopped fighting under James' grip. She stilled and looked up to Severus in shock as his pants stayed firmly around his ankles and his robe fell down below him dragging on the grassy hill. With unrestrained strength, Lily threw off James' arm and pushed past the crowd of students.

James watched her run off, his spell breaking as Severus fell to the hard ground. James glanced down at the fumbling Slytherin hurriedly pulling his clothes back right then turned back to watch Lily disappear around the large castle. Severus cursed the students under his breath as he crawled over to his discarded wand and picked it up.

By the time he stood up Severus was alone by the grove of trees, the arrogant Gryffindors leading the group back inside. He brushed off the blades of grass and dirt from his clothing before bending to retrieve his crushed poetry book.

Shaking his head furiously Severus began walking back to the dungeons. How could he have been so stupid to believe Lily held the same feelings for him? She had used his vulnerability towards her to help his enemies torture him. For this, he would never forgive her.

"What a fool I am." Severus said bitterly to himself. "Lily could never love me. She's too much of a Gryffindor to betray their moralities." He kicked a stray rock and watched it fly against a tree and bounce off.

He continued walking and lengthened his strides as the hill steepened, pulling his weight up the escalating ground. Severus paused when he saw a bundled blanket thrown haphazardly half way up the hill. He increased his pace and as he approached the heap, his heart dropped into his stomach.

Lying on the ground was a dark green blanket, covering jars and containers of various food items. A sealed jug had fallen over and cracked, spilling fresh pumpkin juice onto the large blanket. Their picnic lay spread out before him, forgotten as Lily had hurried to his side to defend him against her Housemates.

Severus dropped to his knees and peeled open the blanket. He gently lifted a jar of his favorite blackberry jam from beneath a loaf of fresh bread and smiled bitterly at his colossal mistake. Anger bubbling up once more, Severus gripped the glass jar and chucked it against the nearest tree. The glass shattered and the dark sticky jam stuck to the wood, dripping down in large globs.

Severus opened his mouth wide, tilted his head back, and screamed frustratedly as loud as he could. As he looked back down again the forlorn picnic items rejuvenated the all-encompassing depression growing within Severus. He did not have to think twice as he pointed his wand at the pile of food and incinerated the whole lot. The burning materials sparked a sadness within and Severus fell to his knees as giant sobs wracked his thin body.

As the ashes burned down, Severus reached forward to grasp a small remainder of the green blanket. He pulled the singed material to his face and held it against his cheek lovingly as tears slid down his pale face.

Lily did love him. She had not lured Severus to the lake for the Gryffindor's amusement.

His chest still heaving with sadness, Severus knew he had blown any chance of ever having Lily in his life permanently. He would try to apologize but he knew Lily well enough to know that she would not forgive him for calling her a mudblood. That was her one rule and she had dismissed better witches and wizards than he for uttering such a foul name.

Smashing a fist into the dirt, Severus cried out as his sobs died down. He had nobody but himself to blame for his stupidity and quick tongue. But if anyone was responsible for the demise of his happiness, Severus figured it was James Potter.

Standing to his full height, Severus swore that he would make Potter pay for arrogance. It would not take long for him to find the correct books in the Restricted Section on the right Dark Magic that he would need to destroy James Potter. If Severus could take it all away from the Gryffindor, then maybe the cocky wizard would have thought twice about ruining the only relationship Severus cared about.

Brushing off his robes once more, Severus sneered and began walking back to the castle. His heart ached for the woman that he could now, never have. But his mind was whirling with every possibility for the dismantling of James Potter. With a righteous swagger that many attributed to the villainous Slytherins, Severus Snape fed off his justifiable fury and set out for the dungeons and the dark path that would come to define his life.

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A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for reading! I'm new to the site and since this is my first posted story, I would very much appreciate some reviews. I would love to know what everyone thinks and whether or not I should work on another story idea for Sev and Lily. Any review is helpful, thanks again!


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